Gogol's disco /

The pickpocket Konstantin Opiatovich kept certain daily routines he had acquired over many years spent in penitentiaries. Having ironed his pants in the morning with a heated tin mug; polished his shoes using a small, worn scrap of velvet he always kept on his person; and filled his pockets with plenty of the bread crusts he dried on the windowsill, he would then take an early tram to the last stop. Stepping off the paved street onto a narrow path of cobblestones (carefully, to avoid puddles), he jauntily made his way towards the old Jewish cemetery. Jews were known for their stubbornness and honoring of traditions. They adhered to many ancient rules and, therefore, their shadowy cemetery was an ideal place for a respectable pickpocket to begin his day. His former yard-mate, who was an Odessan Jew, had informed him of quite a lot of interesting tidbits concerning the tiny, persecuted nation's secret customs. Opiatovich couldn't remember it all any more, but the pebbles placed on the gravestones instead of flowers, and that entire fairytale world with a miniature gate meant only for the rabbi, had a somehow invigorating effect before he attended to his daily job. Later, after working the tram, it would be too dangerous to ride back to the last stop purely to take a stroll. Whenever he tired of the noisy passengers and pinching from purses, Opiatovich would often relax by walking between tram stops and feeding pigeons with the bread crusts. Yet here in the deserted world of silent Hebrew-language tablets, he would, if possible, carry out a calm introduction to the business about to begin. Stopping next to a gravestone he picked by intuition, he would place upon its dewy surface a tiny stone scooped up casually from the path. In doing so, Opiatovich practiced a specific and vital skill for a karmanchik: digital mobility. He would also listen to the silence and to himself. At the same time, he never violated the age-old rule of thieving when scooping up the stones: he was all too familiar with the fact that even the most sentimental pickpocket should never lift anything heavier than a wallet.

In the wake of recent events, in which Tsarist Russia had once again annexed the Baltic states of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, even the provincial town of Viljandi was awash with changes--good and bad alike, of course. Take for example the trophy tram that had been transported from Krakow or Warsaw or elsewhere--rails, depot, engines and all--after the terrible battles with Poland. The town's pensioners applauded the novelty and soon, every resident was in the habit of taking free rides on the unprecedented means of transport that the beaks of a double-headed eagle had deposited there. Finely calibrated by Muscovite specialists, it now ran very naturally from one end of Viljandi to the other, coping with every topographical anomaly, entering a transparent modern tunnel under the lake and speeding across the castle ruins with the bravado of an American railroad in order to carry the ever-swelling population to the new residential areas under construction on the outskirts. Opiatovich generally steered clear of politics (a proper thief never collaborates with any regime), but the tram was extremely beneficial in several ways. Thus, to employ technical terms, Opiatovich could proudly state that when the tsarist eagle came back to roost in the region, he, as a former sident and--to the best of his abilities--current stilyaga, suffered no great depresyak, but simply did what he did best. The giant swing of history simply was repeatedly to circle the same beam over his lifetime, so it would seem. Furthermore, he'd managed to make nice friends at a used bookstore downtown, where it was nice to kick back and converse like human beings after the day's scuffles on the tram.

Musing, Opiatovich strolled a short circuit to appreciate the scattered gravestones that resembled an abandoned game of dominos--sunken and leaning here forward, there back, reminding him of the good old days when he belonged to a chic Riga gang that spent its evenings playing those endless black-and-white games. Similarly, real dominos were often associated with the deceased! Once, for example, he'd wound up at a gaming table in a bunker in Riga's Pārdaugava district, where he'd discovered a sheath nailed beneath the table so one could furtively pull a knife if things went south. In his younger days, Opiatovich had indeed worn a white scarf and carried a Finnish blade, a finka, but had never openly drawn a sharp weapon against another person. With the exception of the sharpened coins he used to slit purses, of course. Now, all that remained were the trams and the old women returning from the market with their scant coins . . . but luckily, also the tunes! How wonderful it was to whistle as he walked in this kingdom of shadows, be it the classic "Murka," "The Prosecutor's Daughter," or the particularly funereal "Sweet Berry." Life wasn't actually all that bad! He wouldn't have minded a wife, but he who is unlucky in love . . . Only yesterday, he'd been tracked down by the young female thief known by the telling nickname Murka, who had asked his permission to do a little purloining around town. She was pretty like an evil princess, and the local boys were said to be afraid of her already--rumor had it she'd pluck the bread from your hand and was as talented as the devil . . . Oh, he could use a woman like that as his wife, indeed he could! Naturally, he'd granted his permission--it had never been in any doubt.

Thereafter, Opiatovich's thoughts drifted to the queen of games: billiards, a contest of immense philosophy, greater even than any bespectacled old professor could ever concoct! Take, for instance, the durak--a ball that rolls randomly into a pocket, the same way anyone at all might end up in the wrong place, suffer a crippling blow, and . . . meet their demise! Or, viewed from the opposite angle, a man may enjoy great and unparalleled fortune even though he himself seems to play no significant part in it, simply standing agape, staring at the world like a lamb fetched to the slaughter. But then, suddenly, a shot rings out . . . and you're buried either in gold or in the ground! Opiatovich's former cellmate had told him that the Jews bury their dead quickly and always in a seated position. Again, what an interesting fact! How rich life is! It turns out that underground all the Jews are seated as if on a tram, riding off in some direction, toward Judgement Day, Jerusalem, or whatever end awaits them there. Of course, there couldn't be any thieves on those underground trams . . . But wait, wait--what did that make grave robbers, then? Not long ago, there'd been an article in the bilingual provincial newspaper telling of how restorers from St. Petersburg's Hermitage had been working on the church in Suure-Jaani, just to the north of Viljandi, and had drunk all the embalming fluid from a glass container holding the old Baltic German's heart, which they had found in the grave obelisk! Yes, life was certainly interesting, no doubt about it! So very unexpected! So very rich!

Mulling these thoughts and chuckling to himself at the start of that beautiful day in the tiny imperial town of Viljandi, pickpocket Konstantin Opiatovich headed back to the tram stop. He paused for a moment next to the large sepulcher depicting a menorah, the seven-branched Jewish candelabrum, where he always polished his shoes with the scrap of velvet. Today, he even had to remove one shoe to dislodge a tiny stone from the tread. As he lifted his eyes, Opiatovich was struck dumb by the unusual color of a certain bush. It was as red as a blazing fire against the surrounding greenery!

Excerpted from Gogol's Disco by Paavo Matsin All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.

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