Straight parents/gay children : keeping families together /

Bernstein, father of a lesbian daughter, writes of parents' pain and confusion when they learn their children are gay. He realistically describes the initial feelings of grief and disgust almost universal among such parents, who, after all, have always considered homosexuality to be wrong and alien. In specific chapters, he also addresses the experiences of growing up gay in a straight world, the movement toward gay rights, the fight by accepting parents for tolerance for their children, celebrities with gay children, and myths about homosexuality, and he offers a survival guide for parents who have just learned they have a gay child. Especially valuable is the chapter "Parents Speak Out," which tells the personal stories of families who are incorporating gay children into their familial identity. Bernstein's tone is personal, his advice is sound, and he gives much play to the support organization Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG). A valuable addition to psychological self-help collections. (Reviewed June 1 & 15, 1995)1560250852Charles Harmon

A compelling portrait of straight parents involved in the gay rights movement. Bernstein describes his experiences as the father of a lesbian and as an activist with Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG), articulately recounting his own and other parents' move toward celebrating difference and speaking out against injustice. Bernstein says that he and his daughter Bobbi's stepmother had long adjusted to the idea that Bobbi might be a lesbian, for reasons that he admits were based on stereotypes, such as her competitiveness in sports and her ""boyish"" mannerisms. Unfortunately, the Bernsteins' struggle is given somewhat short shrift. The author acknowledges that as a young man he was a virulent homophobe, but he does not really explain how he negotiated his homophobia over the years. Many of his profiles of other parents of gay children, however, are complex and moving. Roscoe Thorne, for example, comes across as a subtle study in contradictions. After his son Tracy was discharged from the Navy for homosexuality, Thorne urged him to seek a ""cure through psychiatric treatment."" He ends up eloquently addressing a Navy review board on his son's behalf; yet in an interview with Bernstein, he is infuriated by the idea of gay and lesbian civil rights. Still, Bernstein's cautious approach to his own life gets in the way of his discussion. For example, the author and his ex-wife exemplify a pattern seen in many families in the book: The parent who is the same sex as the gay child has a much harder time accepting the child's homosexuality than the parent of the opposite sex. Bernstein's reluctance to examine this diminishes his perceptive analysis of how homophobia affects families. (For an account of another P-FLAG parent, see Leroy Aarons's Prayers for Bobby, p. 517.) Bernstein's prose is sharp and his profiles are sensitive, but we are left wanting to know more about his own family's struggles with homophobia. Copyright ©Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.