Aging is a family affair /

Compassion is the keynote in this carefully weighed collection of thoughts and experiences by two geriatric social workers; what the book lacks in cold facts (e.g., detail about most money issues) is counterbalanced by well-rounded discussions of the human values involved. Foremost: the loss of control over one's life and physical functions; the fear of ""deterioration to the point of helplessness""; the victimization of incomplete medical diagnosis, insufficient Social Security benefits, and unwarranted social restrictions (against active sexual lives, for one). The authors are staunchly in favor of what might be called elderly rights. They favor allowing the elderly to cope with living alone, if that is their choice, in all but the most extreme cases of disability. But the book's real contribution is its titular ""family affair"" aspect. Not only is there an explanation of the genuine problems that an elderly parent can present (selective memory, inconsistencies, unwarranted accusations, etc.), but there is a reasonably full presentation of the dilemma of middle-aged children sandwiched between responsibilities to their own children, their parents, and themselves; haunted by the spectre of senility; guiltily afraid that parental disabilities may somehow be their fault. All this is borne home, touchingly and convincingly, by the book's ""cases""--many of whom would rather die amidst their geraniums than live in institutions. Often they face difficulties with ingenuity rather than despair--one woman who had lost the use of her hands took to wringing out sweaters with her posterior; another woman, at age 81, comforted her horrified children with assurances that living in unwedded bliss with an 84-year-old gentleman posed no problems: "". . . I'm on the Pill--so what can happen?"" Life-affirming and altogether more personal than Silverstone and Hyman's fine addition to the sociology shelf, You and Your Aging Parent (1976). Copyright ©Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.