"If you love that lady don't marry her" : the courtship letters of Sally McDowell and John Miller, 1854-1856 /

Karen Lystra argued (Searching the Heart, CH, Mar'90) that in the 19th century the concept of romantic love was cultivated during courtship, permitting the lovers to reveal an ideal self to each other, what we call today a personality. The two-year epistolary courtship of Sally McDowell, a divorced Virginia plantation owner, and John Miller, a prominent Philadelphia Presbyterian minister, provides a marvelous example of Lystra's thesis. The five hundred letters begin in 1854 with circumspection and generalization, but the correspondents quickly move to intimate discussions of their experiences, thoughts, and emotions, carefully negotiating their new relationship and even new personalities. Although they write frequently of companionship, Miller takes the lead in urging ever more revelation and intimacy, particularly about physical manifestations of their love. As McDowell responds, her new personality blossoms. The courtship culminates in a 40-year marriage. The editor arranges the letters chronologically and provides factual information in footnotes. An exploration of mid-19th century upper-middle class gender roles, particularly the social and psychological situation of a divorced woman, as well as a source book for the social history of the antebellum Middle Atlantic states. Useful index. For all collections. S. S. Arpad; California State University, Fresno