Why love hurts : a sociological explanation /

Once in a great while, an author and a book come along that make even the most erudite of thinkers and readers pause and say, "Wow--I never thought of it that way before!" This author--and this book--indicates that 2012 is just such a time. In her breathtakingly provocative tour de force, sociologist Illouz (Hebrew Univ. of Jerusalem) analyzes the topic of love--specifically, the pain and misery love poses for so many. Radically shifting the explanatory lens away from psychology and the individual psyche to the social and cultural contradictions that structure modern selves and identities, the author brilliantly makes the case that private failures in love are rooted in very public institutional arrangements of which so many are not of one's own making and choosing. Yet these arrangements are integral in shaping one's very desires, how one seeks to fulfill those desires, and the feelings and emotions concomitant with those desires. Hence, those in positions of power to create and influence those institutional arrangements become a source of great scrutiny for Illouz, and her subsequent findings will undoubtedly henceforth redefine the research agenda on the nature of love, furthering debate on this universal human experience. Summing Up: Essential. Upper-division undergraduates and above. J. R. Mitrano Central Connecticut State University

Beginning with the premise that "Romantic agony. has changed its content, color, and texture" over the years, Illouz, a professor of sociology at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, offers a complex look at the transformation of love, sex, and marriage in modernity. Comparing historic courtship and marriage rituals with contemporary dating culture, Illouz demonstrates the ways in which our increased freedom has complicated the search for a mate or partner. She details the emergence of the "sexual field," social arenas where sexual desire and competition are at the forefront and where people evaluate one another incessantly. She also addresses the stereotype of the commitment-phobic man, rejecting the determinist notion "that men have deficient psyches," or that "evolution demands men spread their sperm." Instead, Illouz urges readers to examine the social and cultural reasons for ostensibly innate behavioral tendencies. The end result, Illouz argues, is that we suffer differently in the modern age, precisely because our sense of self-worth is inexorably tied to love (and desire). An academic through-and-through, Illouz is nevertheless as comfortable referencing Kierkegaard as she is Bridget Jones. But her arguments-riveting as they may be-still require perseverance to work through. As a result, much of the wisdom here will be lost on the average reader. (June) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.